Last Rant for 2015

Assalamualaikum wbt

another year to be left, today's the last day of 2015 and thank God alhamdulillah that I have this very free time to update my long-time-not update blog. Actually I am in the middle of my final exam for this semester, and I just finish my second paper few hours ago. and yeah another 4 to go! 

I don't know why, but it seems like people busy nowadays. My must-visit-blog is also being not updated like what, several months. But the same goes to me, I bet everyone is busy. If happen that one particular person read this, update your blog please. Its been a long time, without you my friend and (continue as you wish, but I mean to sing "see you again")

There is nothing much to talk about, but I did miss my old writings that I wiped out clean from this so-called diary. I try to start a new, a better one and still I am struggling for that. I've been so busy before since I am in my final year now, busy doing my proposal, assignments and so and so. I even forgot that I have blog, but still I am visiting my life-time favourite blog- never forget those!

The latest novel of Ramlee Awang Murshid is already in market now, and I was waiting for that like that's the only reason I am alive, but when it did come out I didn't even have chance to get it #sigh...

however, to get the novel before I am going back to my hometown is one of my must-to-do thing, not only because it is cheaper here but also so that I have something that I really love to do, that excites me, that make me feel alive again, that cheer me up from my typical-routine-based-life. and of course before I have to start my intern! 

I miss my parents, my only sister, my nieces and nephews, my brothers (as well) and of course my beloved best-friends-soul-mates. There were many memories been drew, amazingly it colours my life not only the in the past moments, still it is. even at this very moments. Thank you Allah, for everything, for those. Alhamdulillah.

May Allah bless us, all of us. aameen.

#congratulations to my little sister who got married a few weeks ago. May it lasts forever till Jannah.

#Congratulations also goes to my beloved best friend who got engaged a few days ago, may Allah ease until the akad happens and lasts abadan-abada.

#There is someone I know, that I can not recall why I feel difficult to remember and feel better to just let it slides. I am sorry for being me. I am sorry. Truly sorry. Your kindness is unbearable to me, I just cannot and don't know how to make it up. let's just forgive and forget.

Start a new page.

"Kesombongan itu ialah apabila engkau tahu ia benar tetapi masih, engkau menjauhinya"

"You don't have to sacrifice your own dignity for your own destiny.

be strong. grow up. your are far worthy than what you think you are.

be strong, Allah is indeed near and responsive"

"and the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion; but the home of the Hereafter is best for those who fear Allah, so will you not reason?" [6:32]

Stay firm on your feet. have faith to fight, until the both of your feet stand on the Heaven's door.

angel 1: 

"no matter how hard you think your life is, at least you have place to return"

"tak kisah lah sesusah apa kau rasa tentang hidup mu, sekurang-kurangnya kau ada tempat untuk kembali."

There is saying that the hardest thing to do actually is "to do nothing". Why? Because you will never know when it will end.

"see you again"

with love; 2015

random 2

Assalamualaikum wbt

Today's 19th ramadhan. Ramadhan kareem everyone!
I didn't have any chance to update this blog since I am busy here and there and preparation for my final exam and today I am gonna sit for my last paper for this semester and the day after, I am going to fly. Fly high to reach where my heart belongs... insyaAllah.

Sekian. 

Yes, and up to this moment. Still I am full with clouds, cloudy minded of me.
"Aku keliru. Aku keliru. Selalu begitu"
-aku keliru song

Random 1

Assalamualaikum wbt

This one is random. Random thought of mine. While facing the reality of my life. Once, I thought this life isn't real. And I was wrong. Life's real, indeed.

1) away from parents, family. For a "quest" of Menimba Ilmu. Sometimes, out of nothing I feel empty. As if I've already lost the reason "why" I am here. Why am I here? The most dangerous part of life is when you lost your vision of life. Everything looks the same for everyday, no improvement, no changing, living life like a zombie. I am telling you dear readers and dear my self, when you feel this way, your heart itself also feels "There is something Wrong" and you should not stay in those conditions. You should do something. And as for me, I am stil searching for that something that I should do. Why? Because up to this moment I still couldn't figure it out.

"dan kau tanya dalam diam

dengan mata kau biar pejam

bagaimana mampu wujud sunyi

di riuh engkau berdiri"

...

Kau tahu,

Namun tak kau akukan

-Fynn Jamal : Tahu

Losing your self is another big problem. Losing your vision in life is curable, but Losing yourself. it is lethal. Trust me. When you know yourself then you will know your creator. When you know your Creator, then you will know your self. 

2) - Fight.Faith

Keimanan. Perjuangan. - Perjuangan. Keimanan

Perjuangan utk hidup dalam keimanan pada Tuhan.

"Bukan mudah utk celik mata, di setiap pagi indah bila sang mentari yg cukup patuh pada titah Tuhannya memberi sinar pada sebahagian langit dan bumi, dan memujuk hati... ini adalah suatu hari lain yang perlu dihadapi dgn keimanan pada Ilahi. Bukan mudah utk memujuk hati bahawa setiap yang terjadi sememangnya dari Ilahi. yg mengizinkan setiap perkara utk terjadi sebagaimana ia terjadi, dari sebesar-besar gerakan bintang di langit ke sekerdil-kerdil kuman yg menjangkiti mu."

To be cont'd

old entry reuploaded

Assalamualaikum wbt.

its been so long that I drown in my own dream, my own pain, my own world and it pushed me down, down to the crust of the earth, destroying me, torturing me until I come to one point of my life that make me realise that Allah created this life as a test. Life's a test. A test. No matter what situations that we face, either it is easy or hard, still it is A test. No matter what happen, at the end we still will return to Allah, The creator of all, The Owner of all. I lost, and somehow when I wander in my old document, my old file, I found this entry, an old entry that I removed from this blog. And now I want to re upload it. May it brings something to us.

People L.G n C

Assalamualaikum Wbt ^^

its something like I hv a feeling of "ndak sabar"
hm~~~ (nodded head)
umpama kita berjalan di suatu tempat yg kita nda tau arah tujunya kemana, tanpa peta, tanpa kompas.
setelah puas berjalan, akhirnya kita tau kita bukan pada arah yg betul.
Walaupun dah banyak usaha dicurah, masa diluang, tenaga dikerah utk perjalanan tu
tapi, bila kita tau itu salah, tetap jugak salah. Biarpun sedih, kesal, dan ttp mahu berada di situ,
kita x boleh. tak boleh utk tetap di situ. Harus kembali utk memulakan semula perjalanan
dgn arah yg betul. The exact term to be used: To make Correction.

dan the feeling of ndak sabar tu, actually "ndak sabar mau buat correction"  =)
Turn back utk membetulkan semua kesilapan, kesalahan, dan kedangkalan -diri ini.
org bilang, klu ksalahan tu kali pertama dilakukan, maka itu adalah kesilapan.
tapi klu kasalahan yg sma berlaku kali kedua, maka itu bukan lagi dipanggil
kesilapan melainkan 1 pilihan, pilihan utk terus berbuat silap.
dan aku- bukan dikira naif utk membetulkan kesilapan itu, melainkan sudah cukup sedar
akan kesalahan diri memilih utk terus melakukan kesilapan lantas larut dalam
kedangkalan... (tambahan: ...dan kebodohan)

thats why this entry entitled as People L. G n C.
People Learn, Grow and Change
We learn from this mistakes, we grow from it then eventually we change to be the better one.

Learn is a journey, we go through it, it teaches us everything. Pain to be stronger, tears to be more patient, people to appreciate, tears to feel the existing of our heart, and the most important
we learn that we are "Hamba" yang berTuhan.
yang di atur takdirnya, yang lemah fitrahnya, yang sudah tentu ada tempat pulangnya yg abadi.
Bahawa kita ada DIA, yg slalu mencintai dan menyayangi setiap hambaNYA.
Walau kadang kita terlupa akan DIA,
DIA sekali-kali tidak lupa pada hambaNYA.
Jika kita melangkah ke arahNYA sejengkal,
DIA berlari ke arah kita sehasta.
sayangnya Allah pada hambanNYA, walau kita bergelumang dgn dosa maksiat,
sombong dan riak, masih DIA benarkan kita berpijak pada planetNYA, bernafas dgn udaraNYA,
mkn drpd rezekiNYA, dan bernyawa dgn izinNYA.
Grow and be matured. The maturity doesnt measured by age (Im 19!), but the way how we think
and act, also react with the surroundings and environment. Maturity is not when we start to talk about big things, but its when we begin to understand about the small things.
Its when we start to memuhasabah diri sendiri lebih daripada membuat penilaian berterusan (PB) terhadap diri org lain lantas memberi markah.
Grow up everyone!
and the last action to be taken is Change. there is no use if we keep on thinking and realizing our mistake but never change. Lets give a chance to change. Do not stay, move, please move! even if its slow. Do not wait if we know it'll never come back. Do not hope if we know it'll remain like that.
Never expect that the action potential will be reversed and stimulated twice as it has its Refractory Period, it just had been created to be like that. and it'll be like that. Forever.
Its a proverb, or in simple word, DONT BE STUPIDo to wait,hope and expect something that will never be. Be realistic and live tis life, Carpe Diem! Change- to be better.

wassalamualaikum.. "

How old is this entry? about more than 2 years old. Because, long time ago on 17th March 2013, I published it and today it is 29th April 2015. I wrote this entry a month less of my sister's wedding, 2 years ago and today, it is about 3 days to go to my brother's wedding ceremony and yeah I am at Sabah! in my room that I kemas dulu, and with my brother the one that getting married this weekend, insyaAllah. How childish my writing 2 years ago, and unfortunately still I am. the old one. huhu

so this is the real sekian for this entry. Wasalamualaikum.

Quick Words of mine

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

it's been like a decade I'm not here, (here: literally in this blog-blogging world) to write, to dream, to think, to share. Life's seems become like a roller coaster for me, everything's seems so dull, incomplete, not enough, sad, and so and so. Negative vibe is everywhere, surrounds me. and those are the reasons, why I stop writing for some times back then. It is very not good to share about "Not Good things" to other people, well I don't want to give something not good, not beneficial to others, Like I used to -,-" huhu

So, now why I started to write again? It's not that my life is completely becomes no longer dull, or done complete, or already enough or become so happy and so and so and so. It's just I have this type of conscience (maybe, if we can call it that). Life is too short to grieve, to whine. What do will I leave to people when I'm gone since I am a no one that can't contribute something good to society, writing is maybe a way for me to give something, not in a wide area way but enough to those who are closed. To remind, maybe? yes. at least I did something.

I read this a very simple, quote maybe and I watched this short video that give something inside my heart. It's about Never be little on small deeds. Why? because it is maybe little or small things for us, but who knows to others, it means the world. Example, keep the promise that we made. Maybe the thing that we promised is something like, if we do it, then it's ok and if we don't, it's still ok. No harm. Like something very light, not important to ourselves. But we never know if it means conversely to others. We never know. So keep the promise that we made. Or other example is, as simple as smiles. 

Seterusnya, 

Allah tiupkan kekuatan melalui ujian-ujian yang DIA berikan. Allah tangguhkan sesuatu untuk didik sabar dalam diri kita. Allah ambil sesuatu untuk didik redha dalam hati kita. Sampai masa Allah akan berikan kita ganjaran menggantikan semua itu dengan sesuatu yang mungkin kita tak pernah jangka atau tak pernah fikir pun. Kalau tidak di dunia, di akhirat nanti. Teruslah bersabar dan tetaplah redha.

Allah akan uji manusia dengan perkataan-perkataan mereka, contohnya kita kata "bersabarla..." Mungkin suatu hari nanti akan ada ujian yang menguji kesabaran kita, mampukah kita bersabar apabila orang lain pula yang berkata, "bersabarlah..." Bukan kerana Allah teasing you dengan kata-kata dulu, tapi kerana Allah juga mahu kita menjadi orang yang sabar, seSabar dia yang kita pernah katakan "bersabarlah..." Macam mana saya tahu? Sebab Allah tidak pernah dan tidak akan dan tidak sekali-kali menjadikan suatu perkara itu untuk bermain-main, dengan tujuan main-main. Never. Lam. dan kerana. sudah pastinya kerana Tuhan itu Maha Penyayang. DIA sayangkan kita. Hamba NYA yang lemah. hina. manja (if we can call it as that) Pelupa. Leka. DIA sayangkan kita. #Fakta#

Penat. Bila kita diawang-awangan. tidak tahu dimana harus berpijak. Padahal masa kembali pada Tuhan nanti, akan hanya ada dua golongan. Kanan atau Kiri. Baik atau Buruk. begitulah. Kembalinya tetap pasti, tapi soalnya. Kanan atau kiri, atau Baik atau Buruk? Kembalilah. DIA tunggu. DIA rindu. Tanya hati, tanya iman. Kadang Luarannya tampak seperti masih macam biasa, hakikatnya siapa tahu. Hati entah ke situ. Jauh dan terus jauh. Jangan pandang aku, bertanyalah pada Hati mu. 

(Hati mu...! Hati mu...! Hati mu...! *ini Echo, effect sound harus tetap ada, tak boleh blah)
#HatiNuraniMu#HatimuNurani#Hatimu Yani#

Sekian, wabillahi taufiq wal hidayah

xoxo

#December the First, 2014#

Novel. Skizo. input. Baru.

Salam...

Last weekend I just finished read this one novel, Skizo. It's been so long that I'm not-kind of being served by a novel that I'd love to classify as "novel yg berisi, bijaksana, menggerak kan otak" as I always get from the novelist such as those novelist who wrote a very good novels. So here, "Skizo". Basicly, from my point of view there is nothing more or less about this novel, I'd say it as "Boleh laa" But one thing that I will never forget about this novel is the lesson or the knowledge that it loads. Very-very beyond my thinking. Okey it's beyond my thinking. (only me) in the nutshell, this novel is about Megat Andika who was gone through a coma phase of his life after being hit by a very severe accident that almost. Almost brought him to death. His life is 100% depends on the aid machine in the hospital, to keep him breath while he's coma. He almost announce as dead because of his brain no longer functioning, luckily about 6 hours before the announcement of his death by the doctors, he is awake. So, he is awake. He is the son of the millionaire who's about to heir their empire of bisnes what so ever-kind of like that. So the accident is actually an attempt to kill him by irresponsible parties that wanted to take over his place. But the attempt is fail. He is alive. So the second attempt made, this time is a very crystal clear plan, very obvious plan that this Megat Andika must die. 

(next, is important)  The plan is by stabbing him right exactly on his left part of his body where his Heart located. Meaning that on the very right point where his heart is. So obviously the chance for him to survive is none, furthermore the technique used by the woman who stab him is really-really promising for his death-by cleaving the Heart of Megat Andika. So for this second attempt of killing, it's seems like there is no more light to be seen. After being stabbed, he's totally black out and in unconscious state. at this moment, I become so frustrated because it is seems like there is no point for him to fight for his life while he's coma, right? who's going to stand for their family's empire bisnes, who's going to revenge for his father murder and there are so many things like end up nothing. (bagus nda payah buat cerita kalau begini)

but surprisingly, his eyes was widely open and asking "saya di mana" (haihhh biar betul sudah kena tikam di jantung pula tu hahhh) and then the doctor answered that he is in the hospital, and he asked "bukan sepatutnya saya dah mati ke?" yes that's what supposedly happen. But he is not. why? 

before I tell you further, have you ever feel like there is burden in your heart and suddenly it is released from your shoulder, you feel so good but at the same time unbelieve of what is happening. you feel so lega at the same time thinking that this is nothing but a nonsense. Being stabbed right exactly in the heart plus the heart is kind of being cleaved, how could you ever can breath again. you are dead. deadly dead. But he is not. I was "haaaahhhh??!!" biar betul ni novel. unbelievable.  

Wanna know why he is still alive? Because his heart is not at the left side of his body, but at his right. Jantung En. Megat Andika ni di sebelah kanan. Bukan kiri! homaigad. can you accept that? please accept this. The writer of this "skizo" is actually a doctor. So it is. This is really a new input for me, ada pula manusia berjantung disebelah kanan. and it is actually memang ada. it is known as "Dextrocardia". There are 3 stages of this case, some do not bring any implications and even asymptoms like what happen to Megat Andika, he himself didn't know that His heart is at his Right. So amazing. He is someone that having a mirror-image organ structures, meaning that his heart is at Right so his lungs are at the other side. This is congenital and happen very rare, the case might be like only 8 people with Dextrocardia for every million humans (8:100 000 0) This is happen. 

Nothing's impossible. (36:82) 

"HIS command is only when HE intends a thing that HE says to it, "Be", and it is."

I don't know why, But I really amazed by this fact that there are people out there who're their heart is at their Right. very rare, indeed.

Is this a good input? hope so. a new thing for me.

I realize that everybody in this world has their own story. Everybody's went through something in their life. But they manage to went through it and even smile happily. 

I promise that I'll be very careful on what will I write, wherever it is.

People said that Life's like Roda, sometimes up and there is down. Just be patient going through it.

I missed my old self, my old heart. seriously.

"it is neither too exited nor feeling sorrow. Neutral is nice and at the same time being grateful"

Tenang. Bahagia. I don't want to be happy if at the end it gave me pain and sorrow. I'd prefer being neutral, that's all what I want. will work hard for it. Leave everything hurts behind. I will.

Today's tuesday, and my schedule today is very unpleasing. But have to bear with it! I'll be back to the place where I belongs in 2 and a half days starting at this moment, insyaAllah. 

Gonna sit for first test on thursday for Parasitology, and this subject leads my heart to become more and more grateful to HIM for HIS merciful. Thank you for not testing us as heavy as them. alhamdulillah and I really think that Parasites is bad (the shit-est among the shit-est!) But whatever it is, they are still Allah's creation, there must be something hidden for their creations on this earth, maybe to make a lost heart to return to the place where it should be? pasti ada hikmahnya.

lately addicted to an old song that out of nothing influence my mood to become more relax and if I say happy, it is seems like a hyper word. but yeah, it is seems like inducing my self to euphoria (haha another hyperbolic word) no, but kind of. 

feelings happy listening to this certain song. title? secret.

the title is not secret, but the title is secret. hahaha, how beautiful the words can be!

xoxo

Catatan Baru.

Assalamualaikum...

in this life, there is something to be left, deleted, forgot and forgiven.

There is something that "meant to be like that" and all we have to do is Redha.

maybe we should take a break, and start something new.

So here I am, starting a "catatan Baru" as a beginning.

This may be good for a starter (it has nothing to do with food or motor). Just Random pictures?

Turn to Lord before you are Return to HIM.
we always forgot that
there are so many things inside the Qoran
and worst, we actually don't even know about it.

in the name of Allah
shall we take a new step.

eya.

These are just random pictures.

sekian, wassalam.

xoxo